In my October 5th blog I discussed the reasons many of us feel a need to be in control of our environment and the people in it. The first step in changing controlling behavior is to recognize that you are doing it. Frequently I hear people describe themselves as “control freaks”. They seem to be aware but cannot stop it. We can’t change our behavior until we becoming willing to accept how much many of them may be hurting us and others.
A client of mine recently brought in a big piece of business. She had to let go of being the key person on the project because her knowledge of what needed to be done was limited. Her job was to support the leader but immediately both of these high level people began to struggle with each other. My client began to dislike anything the leader asked her to do for him or the team. As you may have guessed, my client had become resentful, agitated and frustrated. After several weeks of working with me on changing her attitude she began to understand how powerless she had become in this situation. Once she recognized what was really going on, she started to set limits with the leader and things improved.
By recognizing your need to be in control you have identified a behavior that is getting in your way. The very first thing you need to do is congratulate yourself for this awareness. Most of the time we are so busy being unhappy or critical with ourselves we cannot acknowledge the advances we are making. The second step in my three part formula i³ = c + p + s is integration. This is when you start catching yourself doing the behavior. It means you must stay aware of what you do and then begin to think and learn about how you can do things differently. Once you become cognizant of new ways of handling situations you can begin to do the third step in the formula practice integrating new behaviors.
