Two Suggestions for Saying NO to Peers and Superiors
This week several of my clients talked to me about their difficulty in saying “NO” to their staff, peers, friends and superiors. This seems to be a chronic issue with many people. What prompts us to say “YES” when we mean “NO”? The root cause is our need to please others. Many of us are stuck in the thinking that we need to be perfect so others will see us as smart, likeable, and dependable.
Typically, when we are bent on pleasing others, we wind up sabotaging ourselves. We become frustrated, stressed and overwhelmed creating behavior that causes us to lose the respect of those we interact with at work. Often, we are unable to complete projects or can’t give them the attention they need. As your executive coach, I suggest that you set up the following habit for yourself.
1. When you are being asked to do something, pause and ask yourself, “how do I feel about this or just observe your “mind talk”. If you experience feelings of negativity, say “no” immediately. If you are not ready to say “no”, then state to the requester, “you need to think about it” or “you need to give it some thought as you already have so much on your plate”.
2. If you choose to say “no”, then give very little explanation. Take one of the following actions:
a) Explain you have a great deal on your plate at the moment and you do not feel comfortable taking anything more on. Then stay quiet.
b) If it’s someone that brings up fear for you, explain that: to take something on you will need to drop something or change the deadline on another project. Do not say another word or become defensive with any pressure that may be put on you. The person who stays the quietest wins in the end.
