Arlene’s Executive Leadership Tip
Three Tips For Building Self-Esteem and Letting Go
“To be beautiful means to be yourself.
You don’t need to be accepted by others.
You need to accept yourself.”
Thich Nhat Hanh
During a session with an executive client this week, we discussed his tremendous sense of overwhelm and little time for himself. He believed that he could only be successful if he did everything perfectly. My response was that if he continued in this manner his world would eventually self-destruct because of the extreme pressure he was putting on himself. After much internal digging, this client began to understand that he had been subjected to guilt producing behavior as a child which strongly contributed to his need to be perfect today. Below are three tips I gave him that are part of my “business coaching“ program.
1. Commit to changing the need to please others by putting yourself first over everyone. Dig deep as to the reasons that cause your need to please others and be perfect. At all costs, learn to be yourself. The pecking order follows:
- Higher Power
- Yourself
- Your Significant other (when appropriate)
- Your children (when appropriate)
- Immediate family of origin.
- Relatives and friend
2. Become totally aware of what you are saying and thinking. Take very seriously the statement that, “thoughts create reality”. I pointed out to my client, that I heard him frequently say, “he needed to be better organized and that he was losing his grip”. When we affirm what we don’t want, we will get what “we don’t want” instead of what “we do want”. Dedicate yourself to consistently reversing your negative self-talk into positive thinking, statements and actions.
3. Work hard at learning to become “messy”. Becoming “messy” is not just “letting go” of things at home like, making your bed every day and reading every part of the paper. It is also about “letting go” in your relationships with friends, peers, employees and superiors. “STOP” needing to have the people around you be perfect. Understand that the need to control yourself (perfection) and others is a deep rooted fear of your life being out of control.
Check out my book, “Say It See It Be It” for more detailed help on self-image and letting go.
Arlene, this is spot on. After reading your book, “Say It See It Be It” I am a firm believer in your coaching techniques and “Pearls of Wisdom.” Sometimes we try to hard, as your client became overwhelmed with his need to be a perfectionist, which leads me to believe that he prefers to complete the work, projects and/or assignments himself verses delegating or teaching others how to achieve the great level and high performance that he has mastered. Being a great leader is also about sharing and leaving your legacy by teaching, coaching and mentoring others. In the meanwhile though he has become too consumed with “the work” verses his need to listen to himself and pleasing himself. After all I’m sure he has reached a point where he does not need anyone’s approval for his success other than his own. This is where self-assessment and being true to your values comes into play. Finding time just to BE ourselves, DO nothing, and finding that true self awareness and joy in BEING true to your values and passion.
Having a positive frame of mind is definitely a start in creating our reality, through positive thinking, statements and actions. By identifying affirmations such as the ones listed in your book “Say It See It Be It” this will enable many individuals to understand the endless opportunities that are available, if only we take a moment to believe and use positive affirmations and visualizations…”Say It See It Be It”.
Thank you Arlene for your insight in the book and your “Pearls of Wisdom.” They are truly valuable!!
Linda, you have summed up my work in a nutshell. I pose a question to all my readers. How many of you, just “be” for 30 minutes a day?
Tell us how you can begin, if you are putting it off. Just committing makes a huge difference. We will support you.