Arlene’s Executive Leadership Tip

Three Tips For Building Self-Esteem and Letting Go

“To be beautiful means to be yourself.
You don’t need to be accepted by others.
You need to accept yourself.”     
                                                             Thich Nhat Hanh

During a session with an executive client this week, we discussed his tremendous sense of overwhelm and little time for himself.  He believed that he could only be successful if he did everything perfectly.  My response was that if he continued in this manner his world would eventually self-destruct because of the extreme pressure he was putting on himself.  After much internal digging, this client began to understand that he had been subjected to guilt producing behavior as a child which strongly contributed to his need to be perfect today. Below are three tips I gave him that are part of my “business coaching“ program.

1.  Commit to changing the need to please others by putting yourself first over everyone.  Dig deep as to the reasons that cause your need to please others and be perfect.  At all costs, learn to be yourself.  The pecking order follows:

• Higher Power
• Yourself
• Your Significant other (when appropriate)
• Your children  (when appropriate)
• Immediate family of origin.
• Relatives and friend

2.  Become totally aware of what you are saying and thinking. Take very seriously the statement that, “thoughts create reality”. I pointed out to my client, that I heard him frequently say, “he needed to be better organized and that he was losing his grip”.  When we affirm what we don’t want, we will get what “we don’t want” instead of what “we do want”.  Dedicate yourself to consistently reversing your negative self-talk into positive thinking, statements and actions. 

3.  Work hard at learning to become “messy”.   Becoming “messy” is not just “letting go” of things at home like, making your bed every day and reading every part of the paper.  It is also about “letting go” in your relationships with friends, peers, employees and superiors.  “STOP” needing to have the people around you be perfect.  Understand that the need to control yourself (perfection) and others is a deep rooted fear of your life being out of control. 

Check out my book, “Say It See It Be It” for more detailed help on self-image and letting go.

Three Tips For Expressing Thankfulness Beyond Thanksgiving

 ”He is a wise man who does not grieve
for the things which he has not,
but rejoices for those which he has.“  
                                                   Epictetus

As an executive coach, I observe a tremendous amount of negativity in clients. Many of us were never taught how to see difficult situations and events in our world through positive eyes.   One of the best ways to create power and abundance in our lives is to adopt and understand the habit of gratitude, even in the most dire of situations. 

Looking back on my own life a storage warehouse fire had significant positive effect in my life.  At first, it was devastating to see what was destroyed.  After some time passed, this event was the catalyst for a permanent move to Arizona where I presently live in joy and prosperity.  For more details you can reference my book, Say It See It Be It.

Below are three executive leadership training tips which explain how to create a practice of thanksgiving for every day not just on Thanksgiving Day.

1. Make a commitment to start focusing on being grateful for the many things that happen to you during the day (even the difficult ones).  It will become a habit that will bring about a new appreciation of your life. In addition it will activate the law of cause and effect which will trigger more positive results in all you attempt.  You cannot be a victim of circumstances when you are feeling gratitude.
2. Keep a gratitude journal and create the habit of writing in it every day (at least once).  The best way is to list 5 things (people/events/situations) that you are grateful for two times a day. This will expand your “heart muscle” and stimulate the continued pleasure with which you see the world.
3. Share your life, money time and talents with others.  This will involve you in the Divine flow of life as “no man lives unto himself”.  The flow is circuitous and will always bring it back to you and more.

 

Have a Wonderful Thanksgiving and remember to Stand Strong!

Two Suggestions for Saying NO to Peers and Superiors

This week several of my clients talked to me about their difficulty in saying “NO” to their staff, peers, friends and superiors.  This seems to be a chronic issue with many people.  What prompts us to say “YES” when we mean “NO”?  The root cause is our need to please others.  Many of us are stuck in the thinking that we need to be perfect so others will see us as smart, likeable, and dependable.

Typically, when we are bent on pleasing others, we wind up sabotaging ourselves.  We become frustrated, stressed and overwhelmed creating behavior that causes us to lose the respect of those we interact with at work.  Often, we are unable to complete projects or can’t give them the attention they need.    As your executive coach, I suggest that you set up the following habit for yourself.

1. When you are being asked to do something, pause and ask yourself, “how do I feel about this or just observe your “mind talk”.  If you experience feelings of negativity, say “no” immediately. If you are not ready to say “no”, then state to the requester, “you need to think about it” or “you need to give it some thought as you already have so much on your plate”.

2.  If you choose to say “no”, then give very little explanation.  Take one of the following actions:

            a)     Explain you have a great deal on your plate at the moment and you do not feel comfortable taking anything more on. Then stay quiet.

           b)    If it’s someone that brings up fear for you, explain that: to take something on you will need to drop something or change the deadline on another project.  Do not say another word or become defensive with any pressure that may be put on you.  The person who stays the quietest wins in the end.

Arlene’s Executive Leadership Tip

3 Tips for Clarity at Work and Home

This week as part of your executive leadership training we are looking at how to create clarity in our lives. I believe in the Proverb that states: “Where there is no vision, the people perish.”   Each of us has a “still small voice” within us.  When we become still (quiet) on a regular basis, we can hear this voice and let it guide us.  As your executive coach, I have listed three tips below to help you create peace and success in your life through clarity.

1)    If we are not clear on what we want, we cannot take the actions that will manifest them.  Sit with your desires and become clear on what they really are and how they will benefit you and others.  This can be done with the help of meditation and journaling.

Make an effort to take the time to journal several times a week.  It’s amazing how much clearer you become on your life and how it helps you see the actions you need to take to create what you want.

2)    When you become clear on what you truly want, then create a plan to manifest your desires. Planning is key to the process.  When you have a good plan, you will not fail as long as it is for the good of all.  Most people today are so harried they forget to use this basic tool and then questions why “things” are not happening for them.

3)    When we create a vision we do not have to worry about how it will happen.  Too many people are so worried about the outcome that they forget to follow their plan and just take the next appropriate step(s).

Arlene’s Executive Leadership Training Tip

5 Tips for Staying Positive Inside or Outside Work

This week as part of your executive leadership training we are looking at how to create a positive mindset and pass it on to others. Five tips follow to help you develop the change.

1) Wake up each day with an intention to transcend all the negativity that bombards you during the day. Commit to developing a mindset that will motivate you to enjoy life and your work. Constantly remind yourself of all that you have created and accomplished.

2) Create an affirmation that will help YOU support YOU to create desirable outcomes?  Use it to:
a. wipe out your self-talk
b. erase the negativity you hear around you
For example, I live in possibility thinking and/or I see five new ways to get to a solution on this issue. Avoid trying to change the thinking of others.

3) View yourself sitting in the middle of a large Plexiglas box which is covering you on all sides when you are in negative meetings or conversations. Then, watch the negative words, thoughts and attitudes bounce back to their owners.

4) Stand up for yourself by expressing your emotions (yes these too), ideas and needs with CONFIDENCE. The majority of people do not ask for what they need and then complain that they don’t have it. This is a major concept that people do not “get” and then wonder why they are not put into leadership roles.

5) Allow yourself the time to develop several possible solutions to issues you are facing.
Check out my respond vs. reaction sheet. Use this steps I suggest to practice responding to others.

Arlene’s Executive Leadership Training Tip

3 TIPS FOR DEVELOPING POSITIVE SELF TALK:

This week as part of your executive leadership training we are looking at removing all self-talk that is sabotaging your efforts.  Three tips follow to help you make the change.

1)     Study the law of cause and effect.  This means read all you can on this law which is the same as The Law of Attraction.  Then read the information over and over or by CD’s.  Work on accepting the proven fact “that every result you have in your life is caused by your thinking and words” not others.  This means the blame game is over. 

2)    Become conscious of everything you are thinking and saying.  For one week just observe yourself and become aware of each time you look to blame someone else for an uncomfortable situation you experienced.  Ask yourself:
a)    What your reasons were for blaming others?
b)    What part did “negative” thinking vs. “positive” thinking play?
c)    How could I have created more positive thinking and created different results?

3)    Create an affirmation that will help you support you to create desirable outcomes?  For example, “I am creating the results I desire by consciously thinking positive thoughts in all situations.  Try saying this a minimum of 100 times a day.  Remember:  every thought that crosses your mind is responsible for what you do or do not have in your life.

Arlene Rosenberg, Executive Coach

This week your women’s leadership coaching  tip is to make delight one of your strongest purposes at work.  You might ask how is this going to help me.  My answer is that human brains have “mirror neurons—smile and the whole world smiles with you” (James Rouse).   When you are practicing creating and living meaningfully for an honorable purpose at work everyone will feel your intentions and want to follow your lead.   I have yet to see an executive who is a negative, naysayer as a creative, well liked person who has many followers.   Showing your contentment reflects a self-confidence and power that is very needed in today’s work environment for achievement and success.

For many, the work place is a scary world. These people live in fear that they will be laid off, lose salary increases, and/or be criticized for not “doing enough” as they do the job of three.   These issues are hardly motivating to an already discouraged workforce.  As executive women who want to become strong leaders, we must recognize that joy and happiness lie in our daily choices, thoughts and actions.  One of the greatest and kindest acts you can give your peers, employees and your company leaders is to “not just share your riches but to reveal to them their own.” Benjamin Disraeli

Arlene’s Executive Leadership Tip

This week is the last in the series on the ten aspects of positivity. Today we are going to talk about the tenth aspect love, as part of your executive leadership training tip.

Barbara Fredrickson author of the book, Positivity tells us that, “love is not a single kind of positivity.  It encompasses the other nine aspects; joy, gratitude, serenity, interest, hope, pride, amusement, inspiration, and awe.”  I’ve learned in working with my clients as a leadership development coach, that many women executives  who have trouble feeling, experiencing and sharing the other 9 aspects of positivity struggle with the experience of feeling loved and appreciated.  In addition they have a hard time expressing love and appreciation to others.  Many times they come across as aloof and cold even though that is not how they want to appear.   At the core of this issue is their struggle to create an intimate relationship with themselves and experience love of self based on what has happened to them in their past.  Without love of self they draw a great deal of negativity into their lives.  When women work with me on this they first have to be willing to look inside and face head on their inner feelings of loneliness and being unfulfilled.

Most people take very little time to be with themselves and work on this most special and divine relationship.  In fact, they will defend every reason for not taking as little as 15 to 30 minutes a day for quiet introspective moments.  What many women miss understanding is that this time of just “being” is the most significant thing they can do for success.

Arlene’s Executive Leadership Tip

This week I will be talking about the 9^th aspect, awe as one of the 10 aspects of positivity that I use in business coaching for women It is closely related to last week’s aspect, inspiration.  Barbara Fredrickson tells us, “awe transfixes us momentarily pushing us to feel something larger than ourselves”.   It might be looking at the powerful Atlantic Ocean, hearing Beethoven’s 5^th symphony played by the New York Philharmonic, or listening to a powerful leader.

Watching John F Kennedy on TV as a teenager, I felt awe when listening to and looking at this charismatic leader.  He represented someone I could look up to and emulate.  Kennedy not only made me feel good he drew me in and inspired me to be more than I was. 

 Are you the type of leader who draws people to you because they are inspired and uplifted when around you?  Are you the one they seek because you set good boundaries, show true interest in other people and in helping them see the possibilities in all situations?  Are you the leader who encourages others to do their best and reach for the stars?  If you were unable to answer yes to some of these questions, it means you have work to do.

To truly be an awesome leader it is imperative to work on the qualities mentioned above.  If you’re not willing to do self-exploration, being an awesome leader is out of the question.

Arlene’s Executive Leadership Training Tip

This week I will be talking about the state of inspiration as one of the 10 aspects of positivity that I use in business coaching for women. All great business leaders, musicians, artists and writers live at a high level of inspiration because they have become adept at using their creative imagination.  An executive leadership training tip follows. 

All individuals are inspired by outside stimuli and internal thoughts or ideas.  It’s easier to be inspired by a great play or story than by our original inner ideas or hunches. The answer lies in first recognizing and understanding that desires are the seeds of success.  The stronger emotions are over desires, the more our “higher self” gives us ideas to bring them to life.     

What gets in the way when most people inventory themselves is lack of self-confidence.  They start out believing they “cannot achieve” their desires.  Fortunately, this handicap can be turned around.  The effort needed to do this requires time and patience.  Most people do not want to put the time in that is needed for this type of change.  If it does happen it’s stimulated through bitter disappointment and lives filled with negativity and problems.   This is when they call a coach to help them “fix” things. So why not be a part of the group that does take the time to get clear on their desires and work on letting go of your fears.