In order for change to occur there must be a letting go, a surrender.  Most people think of surrender as a loss of freedom, a defeat or a weakness.  The primary definition of change, however, is to give something up in order to get something else.  Only when you can accept that your old ways and patterns are no longer serving you will you be able to let go of your old behaviors and perceptions.  In the  3 step formula I’ve developed for coaching I³ = c + p + s integration is the stage where you become aware of these behaviors and perceptions as you are doing them and recognize how they prevent you from succeeding and having the things in life you desire.   It leads to the third stage implementation where you begin to do new behaviors instead of the old ones.

Yesterday I worked with a client who had been assigned homework that required her to catch and observe herself every time she did “care-taking behavior” both with her employees and at home.  Before this assignment we had other exercises and discussions that helped her discover the behaviors that were preventing her from getting a promotion.  These exercises helped with the first stage of the formula identifying and becoming aware of the behaviors that prevent you from succeeding.  She learned that she was helping everyone around her and they had become dependent on this.  In addition she was not standing strong with management around certain issues. 

After observing the “care-taking behavior” my client stated that, “it happened more times than she thought it would” and made her very conscientious of her actions and behaviors as well as her attitudes toward certain situations. She also said that by observing herself she made attempts to stop the behavior or just acknowledge that she noticed it after the fact.  Then, she told herself, “I will do it differently next time around”.

The example above shows us that in order for change to be effective we must look within to get to the root of our issues, discomforts, doubts and old beliefs.  We also must go within to work on changing these behaviors.  This is not a linear process.  Instead we go back and forth through the different stages until we truly have let go of the old and integrated the new.  One or two days of practice does not permanently change you.   Like all new habits and behaviors it takes a great deal of behavioral observation and practice.  Slow and steady does with the race is what I always tell my clients.  Over time, it is amazing what we can change and the results it brings.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, November 9th, 2010 at 7:32 pm and is filed under Main Blog. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.