On Tuesday I talked about letting go of behaviors that hurt us in our relationships with others and keep us from being Women Standing Strong.  Today as I was doing Leadership Coaching with a long term client, Anne, we discussed how she had collected a number of people in her life who were takers and treated her abusively.  These included bosses, employees and friends.

Up to this point, we have been working on her need to self-blame when people mistreat her.   Ann has had a very difficult time understanding that when people treat us poorly, it is “about them” not “us”.    Today we had a major breakthrough in her coaching because she “really got” that she was her own worst enemy when she became angry, resentful, scared and impatient with people who are abusive in their behaviors. 

Anne told me, “she finally had started taking a temperature check on her feelings after speaking with people and she has begun to recognize that when she feels uncomfortable in any way after a conversation that something was amiss”.  Anne has learned that when she feels frantic, angry, belittled or shamed during or after a conversation then she had let the individual take advantage of her in some way.  She now knows that when she feels peaceful, calm and happy after a conversation that she has participated from a place of Standing Strong. Anne has learned to let people know in an appropriate way that she’s uncomfortable with what they are saying and tells them clearly what she needs from them.

Many of us allow ourselves to become victims of the people around us by blaming ourselves for other’s poor behaviors.  Of course, it’s important to take an internal check and make sure we have not been offensive.  It’s just as important to make sure that we are not feeling right because of the other person’s treatment.  Learning to manage yourself with people who conduct themselves inappropriately with you is a major step in Standing Strong.

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