American spiritual philosopher, David Spangler, defines possibility thinking as, “not automatically saying no to something, avoiding the automatic response.”

When we engage in possibility thinking we remain open to changing situations in our life.  How, you may ask?  When we truly understand the Law of Attraction we “get” that most of the time we are so conditioned in our thinking and habits that what we are putting out to the universe does not match our desires. 

Mahatma Gandhi said, “we must be the change we wish to see…”  Most of us spend so much time thinking about what we don’t want that we are not allowing ourselves to manifest what we do want.  Once you truly understand that we get what we think about, whether we want it or not, then and only then can you bring what you truly desire into your life.

Executive Leadership training must be based on the philosophy presented above or millions of dollars will be spent teaching the wrong information.

When I do business coaching for women, the question that follows is one everyone asks over and over, “Why is it taking so long to get what I want?”  “Why is it not happening?”  The answer is because what these individuals are putting out to the Universe, does not match their desires.  Most women use thinking that limits them and prevents them from expecting the best.  When an individual becomes aware of their thinking, everything can change.  It helps them see the negativity in their reactions and can become the trigger needed for change. This indeed is hard work at first until you form the habit.  The reward comes once people develop the tool of taking the time for the inner exploration needed to change the way they think and respond to the world (relatives, friends, the media, community and universe).  Once a women understands it takes constant vigilance to change her way of thinking and learns to avoid “reaction over response (taking the pause to reflect), her world changes for the better. 

Whether you are, or not, looking at the situation or individual by expecting the best or worst outcome is a choice.  What frustrates me, when I do business coaching for women is they don’t want to take the time needed to make these changes.  They want the instant fix.  What they don’t realize is by “running away” from learning how to think and respond correctly they are cutting off the route to the achievements they desire.  The only way one can grow and learn is by constant practice.  When you look at the business coaching women who have become successful, they are the ones who put in the time to make the changes they desired.

Recently I had a discussion with Margaret Spencer on how leaders need to dress.  How we come across is crucial to our success.  90% of communication is through our non-verbal actions.  Therefore paying attention to what Margaret has to say will be enlightening.

Q: How should a woman dress if she wants to advance in business?
A: Choosing the right clothing style and accessories is non-verbal communication. If were smart, we can use clothing to send the message we intend. An important aspect to remember is if your outfit is appropriate for the occasion. In business you want to fit in and look polished. What is your business outfit communicating?

Q: Are you overdressed in a suit?
A: Every woman who works as a professional should own at least one suit. In most work places it’s no longer necessary to wear a suit daily. It can be used in a less formal way by mixing and matching it with separates to give it a fresh yet professional look.

Q: In a leadership role, what types of wardrobe pieces are needed?
A: The best way to get the most out of your work wardrobe is to have it fit into a wardrobe capsule. A wardrobe capsule is when all of the pieces in the capsule work to gather so that you can mix and match to make several outfits. Every woman should have a two to three piece suit, a few skirts and slacks and several tops and blouses. Keeping your accessories current will help you to project an image as a leader.

Margaret Spencer is the founder of Holobi, and developer of the D.R.E.S. System. Holobi is a national network of Personal Stylists who help everyday women build a wardrobe that fit their body shape, lifestyle and budget. The DRES System — which stands for Diamond, Ruby, Emerald and Sapphire — uses the jewels to represent a woman’s figure and instill self-worth and body acceptance. We believe that every body is a precious gem no matter its shape, size or age. What’s your shape? Find out at www.holobi.com.

If you are interested in becoming a Personal Stylist or enhancing an existing business, you might want to attend their workshop.  Learn the Art of Personal Styling, April 9-10 Anaheim, CA
Interviews are being scheduled now. Reply to ms@holobi.com

They are also looking for a Regional Director for the state of California. Please send inquiries to careers@holobi.com

One of the things I am really good at is wasting time.  My DISC styles analysis report rates me a high “I”.  This means among other things, I’m highly creative, a great influencer and motivator, all good attributes for an executive coach.  On the other side, these same talents keep me from being focused and detailed. So, how do I get things accomplished?  One of the first things I did years ago was to hire a virtual assistant.  Timothy Ferriss in his book, “The 4-Hour Workweek” gives great suggestions on how to get good support at low cost.  At times my VA’s have made almost as much money as I have in a week.  Never once, did I regret the decision. 

Being an entrepreneur and building a business means I needed someone who would be able to help me with the details and give me more time to work on my business not in it.    My VA, Lynn, now knows me inside and out and asks me the questions that get things done.  This leaves me so much more time for the projects that I like and that are important to me like writing, coaching, and just plain old thinking time. 

Most of us are so busy doing the tasks of our jobs, whether we are executives or entrepreneurs, we forget to just sit and think about what we are doing.  The truth is managers are “doers”, and leaders are the “innovative, pioneer thinkers” who come up with great ideas and direct their businesses. They spend 80% of their time on what will bring them a profitable return.  Do you spend more time managing or leading?  After many years of coaching and being an entrepreneur, I’ve learned that time management and how I view myself are essential to my progress and success.   What about you?

I cannot be all things to all people, but when I do what I do best, I succeed. Yes, there are many times when I must get the “job” done. This does require me to stay focused, task oriented, disciplined and accountable to myself and others.  These are skills I have been able to learn and use when I become distracted.  They need constant practice and discipline.  Brian Tracy tells us, “you can only manage yourself”.  This was a decision I made a long time ago when I became an entrepreneur.   Are you worth making these changes?

It isn’t where you came from it’s where you’re going that counts.

                                                                        Ella Fitzgerald

Ella Fitzgerald has been a favorite of mine since I was a young teenager.  Her ability to imitate every instrument held me captured for hours.  Ella’s early years were rough and at the age of 15 she landed in a reformatory.  Despite all this, she became, “The First Lady of Song.” Ella maintained this title for half a century.

Research is proving that people who have difficulty succeeding are hanging on to past thinking, habits and attitudes.   Pushing people forward towards success in their lives and business is my passion.  As a Professional and Personal Development and Executive coach,  I have worked with and watched firsthand people who triumph over the barriers that keep them from succeeding. Each one found a way to let go of their emotions around past experiences.  They found a way that allows them to stop hanging onto their past.   Many of you know, this is not an easy task and requires hard, committed work.  Our ego minds work in a way that keeps us picturing and thinking of past experiences and pushing us to feel the emotions we felt at that time. One of it’s jobs, is to drive us back to the experience and explains why we hold onto the shame and pain we associate with certain experiences in our life, even though they are long past. 

I’ve learned through my clients and my own journey, that it is possible to let go of these old destructive thoughts and feelings.  The process I’ve used with my clients, business executives and entrepreneurs is arduous, but well worth it.  First, they become willing to let go of the excuse that this is touchy feely work.  Second, they recognize that facing what happened in the past, and the negative emotional attachment to these experiences is the key to making significant change in the way they think and act.   Slowly, they start to become aware that most of these reactions, emotions, and behaviors are not serving them anymore and are based on faulty, protective thinking.  Finally, they learn to accept these unwholesome reactions as part of the human condition and make peace with them, they start to respond differently and see significant change in their lives.   Ella Fitzgerald knew you had to “let go” and accept to create a new future.

My dear friend Ken Jacobs of Jacobs Communications wrote this to me.

“You might encourage your coaching clients to see the movie, “The Kings Speech”. It has a lot to say about finding one’s voice, and about how anything is possible if we go deep, face our fears and walk through them.   It really demonstrates that once you’ve done so, you can help others through their scariest moments.”

I have also seen the movie.  Ken is sooo right.  “The Kings Speech” really impacted me because it reminded me of my own journey and how difficult, overwhelming and painful it was at times. Without the help and support of coaches, mentors, a loving husband and raving fans, I would not have been able to reach where I am today.  If you remember, the King gave up more than once.  However, he was able to draw himself up and slowly became willing to go deep inside, and face the demons that had robbed him of his dignity.  I know that the unconditional love of his wife, children and coach enabled him to keep going.   This was a process that happened slowly until the king was really ready to let his demons go, and once he saw it through, it brought his true desire to life.

This is the reason I am so passionate about my work. I get to witness and unconditionally support the journey of my clients towards creating and finding their own power.  Most of us do not stutter, but we do have memories, shame and painful other emotions from our past that hold us captive.  These are the demons that keep us from reaching our dreams. The movie teaches us that once you are willing to face and recognize the dark feelings and experiences for what they are, you are able to create your desires.  No doubt, the process is hard and tough at times. It brings us to our knees but at the same time it toughens and strengthens us to open and grow into who we came “here” to be.  Go for it, you will not regret it.

Take time over the long weekend to make a list of everything you are grateful for.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving.  May your day be stress free and full of gratitude and happiness.

Below is a poem written by George A Rosenberg, my spouse.  Please enjoy it.

Thanksgiving Poem
By George A Rosenberg

The end of November is a time to remember
We give thanks and good cheer for the good times this year

Put your worries aside give a smile so wide
Say thanks for your turkey say bye to things murky

Drumsticks, stuffing, carrots, and such
Fill up your plate but don’t eat too much

Save room for the pie and also the thought
That all that has happened has not been for naught

We learn, we improve, and also we grow
Year end is approaching that much I know

So here’s a combined wish for all that can hear
Happy T-Day, C-Day, H-Day, K-Day, and a healthy New Year

George Rosenberg’s website is www.georgerosenberg.com

Happy Thanksgiving

Written November 21, 2007 and Updated 2010

Gratitude for all we have is the greatest gift we can give ourselves and others not just on holidays but all days

This year spend your Thanksgiving week thinking about how you can remain grateful in many ways

Make a list and include all the people, places and things that have brought you peace, fulfillment and happiness throughout your life

Remember to thank the universe for your greatest contenders, even though they cause you strife

In the future when you start to criticize, judge or shame, replace these thoughts with something nice

The more you can say thank you, rather than give advice

The more you will enjoy life’s spice

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone,

Arlene

Early this morning as I was lying in bed thinking about my intentions for the day and the article for this month’s newsletter, I realized that lately everything has become about “selling”. When I go to networking events, I’m bombarded by people who want me to buy something. It’s rarely about just getting to know me and form closer relationships. Most people never seem to feel grateful for meeting me or for my attempts at getting to know them.

One out of every five e-mails is selling me a video, CD, SEO or something else I should buy that’s going to help me learn how to make  tons of money. Since the “great” recession my leadership coaching clients have remarked, that they too feel constantly overwhelmed by this overanxious behavior while networking or attending conferences. It seems that so many of us have forgotten how to be grateful for what we do have in our fear of not having enough. People do not understand that the key to having all that you desire is grounded in “giving, receiving and being grateful”.

As I developed into a personal and professional development coach, I learned early on that “women who stand strong” know that being grateful and giving are the greatest emotions for invoking the law of increase. Appreciation is the great multiplier in this equation. The minute I understood that being selectively grateful really doesn’t work, I began shifting my thinking to being consistently grateful for everything that happened in my life, and things began to change significantly. It was only when I started consistently seeing the good in others and letting go of their insufficiencies that I personally became happier and started attracting more wealth and abundance into my life.

Women who stand strong are able to graciously receive from others and ask for help when they need it. They know how to delegate and let go of the results as well as live in a state of gratitude.  This doesn’t mean that they do not stay responsible. It means they are secure and confident enough to let others be themselves and appreciate them for their strengths and capabilities. As business women and mothers, they know how to appreciate themselves as well as coach others when they are having difficulty without micro-managing  or controlling them.

My experience in leadership coaching has shown me that women who have a difficult time receiving typically have a hard time feeling gratitude are more likely to be critical and un-accepting  of themselves as well as others.  These women typically have a difficult time receiving compliments or gifts.   In some cases it is actually painful for them and the people around them.

Some of the other behaviors of women who have difficulty receiving from others include not having a “free minute”.  Every bit of time is accounted for.  They’ve forgotten how to take time to sit and enjoy life.  These women are unable to celebrate their accomplishments,  tend to berate themselves for not having done better,  constantly nag themselves, question their decisions and blame themselves and others when something doesn’t go well even if it was out of their control.

If you are experiencing  any one of these behaviors it might be time to do an inventory on yourself using the list above.  It will help you discover what behaviors you need to retrain and/or get some outside help on.   In my next blog I will talk about what’s behind these behaviors and how to start changing them.

On Tuesday I talked about letting go of behaviors that hurt us in our relationships with others and keep us from being Women Standing Strong.  Today as I was doing Leadership Coaching with a long term client, Anne, we discussed how she had collected a number of people in her life who were takers and treated her abusively.  These included bosses, employees and friends.

Up to this point, we have been working on her need to self-blame when people mistreat her.   Ann has had a very difficult time understanding that when people treat us poorly, it is “about them” not “us”.    Today we had a major breakthrough in her coaching because she “really got” that she was her own worst enemy when she became angry, resentful, scared and impatient with people who are abusive in their behaviors. 

Anne told me, “she finally had started taking a temperature check on her feelings after speaking with people and she has begun to recognize that when she feels uncomfortable in any way after a conversation that something was amiss”.  Anne has learned that when she feels frantic, angry, belittled or shamed during or after a conversation then she had let the individual take advantage of her in some way.  She now knows that when she feels peaceful, calm and happy after a conversation that she has participated from a place of Standing Strong. Anne has learned to let people know in an appropriate way that she’s uncomfortable with what they are saying and tells them clearly what she needs from them.

Many of us allow ourselves to become victims of the people around us by blaming ourselves for other’s poor behaviors.  Of course, it’s important to take an internal check and make sure we have not been offensive.  It’s just as important to make sure that we are not feeling right because of the other person’s treatment.  Learning to manage yourself with people who conduct themselves inappropriately with you is a major step in Standing Strong.