I’m On Empty

A few weeks ago I urged all of you to read the book, Real Love by Greg Baer. As an alternative, I also recommend Real Love in the Workplace.  As many of you know I’ve been working on myself for the past 20+ years.  I am receiving Real Love coaching and I want to become certified. I have also been participating in Real Love groups since April. This work has fulfilled what was missing in my life, and it is taking me and my work to new levels! In the weeks to come, I’ll share some of the things I’ve learned on my blog.

Greg’s work draws from many disciplines and models, but he drills it down to understanding one major concept.  He tells us that in order to be happy “we must feel loved and be loving.”  He defines love as“unconditional or imitation.” Most of us do not give or receive unconditional love because we mistake imitation love with unconditional love.  All of us are experts at imitation love and the behaviors that go with it.  Baer boils it down to five behaviors: “lying, attacking, acting like a victim, clinging and running.”  For more detail, read one of the books I suggest above.

Moving from a place of using imitation love vs. real love is not as easy as it sounds. If you are frustrated with both personal and professional outcomes in your life, you may want to start asking yourself this am I feeling loved in this moment/today?  Chances are you’re feeling pretty empty. You might say to yourself, I’m sitting here at work – how can I get a hug or just love?

The answer is reach out. Unconditional hugs can be given over the phone. Begin to make a list of people who can unconditionally love and be there for you unconditionally.  It needs to be people who are working on themselves and understand that the call is about you, not them.

Are you interested in learning more about Real Love? Please email me or check out the Real Love website.

REAL LOVE

Summer seems to be in full gear with warm temperatures all over the country. This is the time of year we are supposed to step back and enjoy enjoy this season with rest, fun and all the activities that go with it.  I’ve just returned from Kauai, Hawaii and I understand the benefits of a vacation and spending intimate time with me, my spouse, being outside, reading novels and eating well.

I believe that our ability to interact well with others is based on our own fulfillment and happiness.  In April I took classes and read the book “Real Love” by Greg Baer (reallove.com).  It has opened up a whole new dimension of thinking for me around my personal life and work.  Presently I’m being coached and plan to become certified into the program.  This blog is dedicated to supporting all readers in improving their lives and relationships.  The philosophy of real love when embraced will change your thinking and life.  Although it’s not easy (as we all know) to change our behaviors, it’s working for me.

Greg explains in clear language how most of us feel quite lonely, empty and unloved.  He describes 5 destructive behaviors that most of  us use which create our unhappiness and lead to conflict in all areas of our lives.

The book also gives us a  “blueprint” that Greg  developed for feeling full and creating successful relationships in his own life and with hundreds of individuals and couples.

Explore this book, and enjoy your summer!

Arlene

This week’s Pearl is one from my archive. Enjoy!

3 TIPS FOR DEVELOPING POSITIVE SELF TALK:

This week as part of your executive leadership training we are looking at removing all self-talk that is sabotaging your efforts.  Three tips follow to help you make the change.

1)     Study the law of cause and effect.  This means read all you can on this law which is the same as The Law of Attraction.  Then read the information over and over or by CD’s.  Work on accepting the proven fact “that every result you have in your life is caused by your thinking and words” not others.  This means the blame game is over.

2)    Become conscious of everything you are thinking and saying. For one week just observe yourself and become aware of each time you look to blame someone else for an uncomfortable situation you experienced.  Ask yourself:
a)    What your reasons were for blaming others?
b)    What part did “negative” thinking vs. “positive” thinking play?
c)    How could I have created more positive thinking and created different results?

3)    Create an affirmation that will help you support you to create desirable outcomes?  For example, “I am creating the results I desire by consciously thinking positive thoughts in all situations.  Try saying this a minimum of 100 times a day.  Remember:  every thought that crosses your mind is responsible for what you do or do not have in your life.

Today’s Pearl is one from my archive. Enjoy!

Did anyone ever tell you that you were created to be great?  If they did, did you believe them?  As a leadership coach, many of the women and men I meet and work with have no concept of their greatness.  Instead they see themselves as having little value in their home and work environments.  I believe this is mainly due to their lack of confidence.  Most people who lack confidence live with a belief system based on the thinking, “they can’t be, have, or do enough”. They are stuck in a pattern that consistently spirals them downward and prevents them from creating and having what they want in their lives.

How does this pattern develop? First, as children many of us are expected to excel continuously in school, sports, and all the other endeavors of our lives.  If we don’t succeed, we are made to feel “less than” by our parents, teachers and coaches and religious leaders through the criticism and judgments about our performance.  Usually it is by people who do not feel confident and good about themselves.  The truth is they have it all backwards.  These people never learned that everyone has greatness in them and they need to be encouraged to find it.

From a very early stage of life these negative adult behaviors teach us to live from the “outside in” and create false beliefs about ourselves. The ego part of the mind keeps these false beliefs going.  As we grow older and have more experiences that reinforce our inabilities to “do, be or have” more than others around us, we are often frustrated and create more sabotaging experiences that perpetuate these feelings about ourselves.

How do we stop these patterns?  First we must break our denial around these “false beliefs” and recognize that developing confidence is an “inside job”.  We need to look at our behaviors, attitudes and thinking and how they contribute to our feelings about ourselves.   Then, we need to gain new knowledge to help us see the truths about the universal laws of the universe and how distorted they have become in our minds.  We search for our greatness by learning from others who have found it through books, coaches, and classes. Slowly, this information helps us move forward to take risk and implement what we are learning.

Is it a difficult journey?  Yes, at times it is but it is one of the most rewarding because you will find your true authentic self and bring it out to shine.  As you begin to shine, you will develop more confidence and see your greatness.  You will put energy into motion that will bring you more happiness then you deemed imaginable.

Fellow travelers who share this miraculous experience called life, I want you to know how much I appreciate all of you who follow me!

I will always be thankful for the soldiers who are all over the world helping to keep us safe.  Please listen and watch this video. You will feel a strong surge of love and gratitude from your heart. Memorial Day is a time for peace, joy and reflection.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5pfBUUZNbFM

Today’s Pearl is one from my archive. Enjoy!

Author, Eric Butterworth tells us that “our well being is not tied to the economic fluctuations of the world”. This is one of the most important beliefs you can develop. When you begin to understand that the only thing that keeps you from living a life of happiness, prosperity, abundance, laughter and lots of love is yourself, not the outside world, you have started the path to freedom from the ego part of your mind.

To read more on this go to my Standing Strong Blog.

Do We Know?

Hello Everyone,

Before I delve into this week’s Pearl of Wisdom, I am giving you the link to Marlene Moore’s blog, http://blog.handprintsonmyheart.com/2012/04/17/hope-for-a-better-worldubuntu/ . She has created Handprints on my Heart. You’ll love reading her blogs, so I suggest you subscribe.  Thank you, Marlene!

Yesterday I heard thoughts from Dr. Michelle Medrano on the paradox of knowing and questioning. We all need knowledge to succeed.  She said “we cannot say we know something until we have demonstrated it.  Those of us who feel that we know it all and haven’t demonstrated it are actually shutting down.  It keeps us from being teachable and listening.”

This really applies to the workplace.  Sometimes as leaders we pretend to know it all. When we learn to question using what rather than why, we give up knowing it all and enjoy questioning.  It allows the listener to not be defensive.  This is a wonderful tool to use when supporting your staff and peers.

Email me or go to my blog and share your thoughts.

Hi everyone,

Today, I want to share something very special with you. My friend Joan passed this along and Marlene, also a special friend, posted the following in her blog.  PLEASE TAKE THE TIME TO READ IT. I will be talking more about this in the future.

Share it with everyone in your circle and carry it in your heart. If we could each adopt the UBUNTU philosophy, practice it in our lives and be an example of it to others, we can create necessary transformation in the world. It begins with you and me, one person can make a difference. Let it begin with you simply by sharing this post today.

As Bill Clinton said we are 99.9 percent the same, yet most of us focus on the .1 percent that makes us feel different. We may have more money, better looks, live in a better place, but it is arrogance to think we are any better than any other human being on the planet. Read this and Watch this incredible video.

I think it will change your life for the better, I know it has changed mine.

UBUNTU
“An anthropologist studying the habits and customs of an African
tribe found himself surrounded by children most days. So he
decided to play a little game with them. He managed to get
candy from the nearest town and put it all in a decorated basket.
at the foot of a tree.

Then he called the children and suggested they play the game.
When the anthropologist said “now”, the children had to run to
the tree and the first one to get there could have all the candy to
him/herself.

So the children all lined up waiting for the signal. When the
anthropologist said “now”, all of the children took each other by
the hand ran together towards the tree. They all arrived at the
same time divided up the candy, sat down and began to happily
munch away.

The anthropologist went over to them and asked why they had
all run together when any one of them could have had the candy
all to themselves.

The children responded: “Ubuntu. How could any one of us be
happy if all the others were sad?”

Ubuntu is a philosophy of African tribes that can be summed up
as “I am what I am because of who we all are.”

Bishop Desmond Tutu gave this explanation in 2008 :
“One of the sayings in our country is Ubuntu – the essence of
being human. Ubuntu speaks particularly about the fact that
you can’t exist as a human being in isolation. It speaks about
our interconnectedness. You can’t be human all by yourself,
and when you have this quality – Ubuntu – you are known for
your generosity. We think of ourselves far too frequently as
just individuals, separated from one another, whereas you are
connected and what you do affects the whole World. When you
do well, it spreads out; it is for the whole of humanity.”

Stop the World, I Want to Get Off!

Some of you may have noticed that in the last two weeks there were no Monday morning Pearls in your Inbox.  Life just became too hectic and something had to give.  This time it was the “Pearls.” I’m happy to say that one of the reasons for the missing “Pearls” was I spent time in Louisville, Kentucky doing two workshops on Women Standing Strong and claiming their power.  It was a delightful experience and very successful!

More and more I’m realizing that if we want our lives to be more peaceful and in balance, the foundation for Standing Strong, we must recognize that the change has to start with us.   The two workshops once again made me aware that most executive working women, including myself, are into excessive “doing” and very little “being” with themselves.   These workshops do just that—help push the attendees to “be” for the day by discovering their triggers and working on learning tools that will teach them to pay more attention to themselves.  When we are lost in the “doing” we lose a sense of consciousness, which creates an inner sense of dis-ease. This may manifest in feelings of loneliness, anger, exhaustion and illness and become intensified when things are not going well.  In the end it prevents us from being more productive and successful.

How do we stop the “merry go round” we all live on?  Eckhart Tolle, one of the most respected spiritual leaders of the modern world, tells us “there are two dimensions to who we are.  Beyond, the dimension of form—which is thinking, doing, sense perception and the physical body—there is a dimension that is totally missed…it is the dimension that can provide balance.”  Tolle calls it “being.”  It’s the time when you quiet your mind and live in the stillness.

I agree with Tolle that this time alone with ourselves can bring about the balance and peace we are all looking for.  If you are connected with yourself then you become peaceful – and when this happens you can bring it out to the world and whatever is meaningful for you.  You become a light in the world.

While preparing for an upcoming workshop on Standing Strong: Claim Your Power, I found filed away this quote on change.

“We live in a time of paradox, contradiction, opportunity, and above all, change.

To those who have confidence in themselves, change is a stimulus because they believe one person can make a difference and influence what goes on around them.”

- Buck Rogers, IBM

Claiming your power is all about confidence.  If you hold a healthy sense of self-worth then you have a healthy self-esteem or a high level of self-confidence. How much you value yourself as a person and the way you look at the world and your place in it are influenced by how important you think you are.

Having a healthy self-esteem will reveal to you that you have the competence to cope with the challenges that life throws at you. The more you exhibit this competence the more self-esteem you will create

Next week we will talk about the tools that help build power and confidence.