Stop the World, I Want to Get Off!

Some of you may have noticed that in the last two weeks there were no Monday morning Pearls in your Inbox.  Life just became too hectic and something had to give.  This time it was the “Pearls.” I’m happy to say that one of the reasons for the missing “Pearls” was I spent time in Louisville, Kentucky doing two workshops on Women Standing Strong and claiming their power.  It was a delightful experience and very successful!

More and more I’m realizing that if we want our lives to be more peaceful and in balance, the foundation for Standing Strong, we must recognize that the change has to start with us.   The two workshops once again made me aware that most executive working women, including myself, are into excessive “doing” and very little “being” with themselves.   These workshops do just that—help push the attendees to “be” for the day by discovering their triggers and working on learning tools that will teach them to pay more attention to themselves.  When we are lost in the “doing” we lose a sense of consciousness, which creates an inner sense of dis-ease. This may manifest in feelings of loneliness, anger, exhaustion and illness and become intensified when things are not going well.  In the end it prevents us from being more productive and successful.

How do we stop the “merry go round” we all live on?  Eckhart Tolle, one of the most respected spiritual leaders of the modern world, tells us “there are two dimensions to who we are.  Beyond, the dimension of form—which is thinking, doing, sense perception and the physical body—there is a dimension that is totally missed…it is the dimension that can provide balance.”  Tolle calls it “being.”  It’s the time when you quiet your mind and live in the stillness.

I agree with Tolle that this time alone with ourselves can bring about the balance and peace we are all looking for.  If you are connected with yourself then you become peaceful – and when this happens you can bring it out to the world and whatever is meaningful for you.  You become a light in the world.

While preparing for an upcoming workshop on Standing Strong: Claim Your Power, I found filed away this quote on change.

“We live in a time of paradox, contradiction, opportunity, and above all, change.

To those who have confidence in themselves, change is a stimulus because they believe one person can make a difference and influence what goes on around them.”

- Buck Rogers, IBM

Claiming your power is all about confidence.  If you hold a healthy sense of self-worth then you have a healthy self-esteem or a high level of self-confidence. How much you value yourself as a person and the way you look at the world and your place in it are influenced by how important you think you are.

Having a healthy self-esteem will reveal to you that you have the competence to cope with the challenges that life throws at you. The more you exhibit this competence the more self-esteem you will create

Next week we will talk about the tools that help build power and confidence.

7 TOOLS FOR COPING WITH ENDINGS

In last Monday’s Pearl, I discussed the characteristics of endings and the process of feeling and working through our emotions. Below is a list of strategies for both work teams and individuals that will support them through an ending:

• Reach out to significant people and/or your team members to communicate your emotions, strategies and plans.  This is a good time to form a mastermind group.
• Recognize this is a process that everyone goes through and that it’s going to take time to get back to normal
• Become aware of your thoughts and concentrate on focusing forward, not backwards and rehashing what has happened. This is different than just letting yourself feel the fear, anger or sadness associated with the change event.
• Get involved in your community through a charitable cause.  Giving to others is a way to make you feel good.
• Acknowledge your past and be grateful for all of it, including the change event that caused the ending.  The universe is moving you forward to something bigger and better.
• Keep a gratitude journal each day and list the positive things that are happening.
• Get a coach so that you can move through what has transpired faster than you could alone.

THE FIVE STAGES OF ENDINGS IN OUR WORK AND PERSONAL LIVES

In last Monday’s Pearl I suggested that we leave legacies, large or small, every time there is an ending in our lives. What is the meaning of endings you might ask?  It means that something that existed in our life no longer exists and is causing us grief.  Some of the losses would include: a relationship, job, job transition, vacation, new home or location, effects of injury or illness. How deeply you feel your emotions is typically representative of the importance of the ending.  Please don’t underestimate this – every time there is an ending you will go through the stages of grief described below.

The characteristics of an ending and how they affect us:

1.     Typically most of us experience Kubler-Ross’ 5 stages of grief during an ending.

• Denial: You are in a state of shock, the world becomes meaningless.
• Anger: You might ask where God is in all this. As anger arises, be willing to feel it even though it may seem endless. Underneath your anger is great pain.
• Bargaining: You become lost in a maze of “What if’s”.  These statements reflect a need to blame ourselves and make promises that we will do something different to stop what has happened.
• Depression: This stage is where grief and sadness enter our lives at levels we may never have imagined.  Again, we must recognize that it is necessary to feel these emotions so we will move through them quicker.
• Acceptance: This stage is about accepting the reality that this loss has happened and things will never be the same again.  When you move through this phase you will find joy and happiness again.

2.  Expect your resistance, slipping back into the different stages during the process is common.  This never is a  linear experience during major endings.

3. An excellent way to cope with this process is to journal and familiarize yourself with the descriptions above.

Next week we will talk about personal strategies for an ending.

Many of you know that I am a follower of Ernest Holmes, a teacher, lecturer and writer who defined and established the Science of Mind philosophy.  In his book, “Basic Ideas of Science of Mind” he explains the nature of the laws of thought in a spiritual universe.  What I like about this book is that it gives a simple approach and method for living an abundant life.

Holmes points out that too often we have “negative emotional thinking and reactions which direct our decisions rather than the process of logical thinking.”  He also tells us “that when we deeply feel it establishes the pattern for which we will receive.”

In other words, our emotions have a great effect on what we create in our lives.  I like to describe it as reaction vs. response. Check out the easy chart under free resources I’ve created, to help you understand this concept on my website.

We all know that we have been given the freedom of choice by the Universe.  Man’s actions and thoughts do determine his welfare.  Understand that what you think and feel are crucial to the outcomes you desire in life.  When you take this very seriously and practice responding with positive thinking and belief you will have some miraculous results.

What is the work legacy you will leave behind?

Recently I have been hearing the word legacy used a great deal in reference to careers and business.  Wiki Answers states that, “legacy is whatever you leave behind when you are dead.” In my mind, it should be changed to “legacy is whatever you leave behind at the end of your life.”  Besides money these legacies can be stories you told, accomplishments or consistent behaviors that affected others. It can also mean being remembered as the go to person to go for love and/or wise advice.

All of us leave legacies when ending a job or career.  I want all of my readers to step back and reflect on their behaviors and actions in the work environment.  Then, ask yourself, ”How am I perceived?”  If you have trouble with this, you need to ask others what they observe.  This might be the most important action you ever take.  As I’ve said in previous Pearls of Wisdom, we all have scotomas (blind spots) that prevent us from “seeing what we need to see.” Do the exercise below even if it feels uncomfortable.  You will not regret it.

Ask three people the following questions. You must feel comfortable and trust these people to be honest with their answers. They don’t necessarily need to be in your present workplace. Do not ask family members as they cannot be objective.

• What are three of my best characteristics?
• What makes people want to work with me or not?
• Have you observed any scotomas that prevent me from being a well liked team player and/or leader?

There isn’t anyone I know who does not want to be successful or leave a positive legacy.  When you become honest with yourself then it will happen naturally.

Complaining Is a Distraction

Most of you who follow my Pearl of Wisdom and Standing Strong Blog know I maintain a spiritual edge towards my discussions of professional and personal development. Through working with hundreds of people, I’ve observed that the majority waste an inordinate amount of time complaining about what is not happening in their lives. Isn’t it time we become honest and aware of how we avoid the truth?  The majority of people choose to see life as difficult and use this thinking as a distraction to keep them from changing the way they think and act.  They have convinced themselves it is impossible to change.

I believe people can change their lives and stand strong by recognizing their misguided thinking. When they become willing to trade the time they spend complaining and use it to become quiet and go within, the honest answers appear.  It is only in this silence that we can hear the messages that guide us to heal and bring forth our ability to see the incredible joy and beauty of life. We can learn to open, receive and claim all that life offers.  There are miraculous gifts waiting for those who choose this journey.